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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A sign of things to come?

So ... Topher has been having headaches.  Bad ones.  We took him to the doctor week before last and the doctor said they are tension headaches, and that we should "reduce the amount of stress in his life" ...

Let's see now ... he's been torn from the family he knows, even if it wasn't safe.  He went from a familiar family of 4 to a chaotic, strange household of 11.  He's had to learn new rules, figure out new ways of living, try new foods and new experiences, and overall change his life in almost every respect.

It's been a change for the better ... incredibly so at times, and he even agrees with that ... but stressful?

DUH!

And explain to me how, exactly, I'm supposed to reduce that stress?  His idea has been to lock down all his feelings and pretend they don't exist.  He has admitted that he knows it's a cowardly way out.  He admitted that he knows he has to face those feelings sooner or later.  He's just not been up to it yet.

In the meantime, the doctor prescribed Motrin ... in over-the-counter strengths.

umm ... like I hadn't already tried that.  Thanks ... for nothing.

But there may be a light at the end of the tunnel:

Last night he had a fight with his closest friend.  No, not Ethan. Ethan is now family.  This was with a girl, but they're not dating.  But they spend their life texting each other.  So ... that makes her his girl friend but not his girlfriend (note ... two words, not one).

Apparently he broke some pie-crust promise he made to her.  Details on the promise aren't important.  What's important is that when he looked up at me he said "I hate it when I hurt her" ... and cried.  He let me hold him for a minute while he cried into my shoulder.

It's the first time he's done that since he moved in.  Heck ... the only other time I've seen him cry was when his great-grandmother died last year.

No, it isn't the river of tears that has to come eventually over losing his old life.  No, it isn't the flood of emotion that I know is coming.

But it is a start.  And if he can start letting it out ... even a little at a time ... we can heal some more.

Baby steps towards surviving ... together.


        aka: goofdad

5 comments:

Keith Wilcox said...

Time heals most wounds. At least that's what I'm told. I guess it's probably true. No advice from me, just a bit of empathy. It must be really hard to go through that and be expected to not carry stress. It's just what happens.

goofdad said...

Yeah ... I just loved that comment from the doctor. I'm hoping we can make it through this together. I'm determined to, actually ;-)

The Father of Five said...

Sounds like he is opening up a bit!

Hopefully, this success will continue! Good luck!

This Daddy said...

Keep working the magic man. It will happen. He is growing and turning into a young man and your helping him in his travel.

Shit it seems he is doing better than me on some days

Emily said...

Well, this may not get at the larger issue but whenever I had a headache as a child, my mom would make me a "cool cloth" for my head. I would lie down and she would place it over my eyes and forehead -- and change it every 10 minutes for about a half hour - always keeping it cool. It was soothing -- both physically and mentally as it relieved my throbbing head and reassured me that someone was there to make sure I was ok. Better than over the counter motrin. :) Im sure youre doing your own version of the cool cloth - but if you are runnin gout of remedies, it's a winner.