Role Models

Been struggling with Five-for-Ten's topic of the day since ... well ... since I read it when I started.  Courage was an easy topic.  Happiness fell into my lap.  I'm a man, so Lust should be just plain fun.  Yes ... whatever.  But Memory?  What do I want to talk about?  I've related cute stories of my past in my blog before, but that's "a memory", not "memory" ... what could I possibly say about "memory" ...

I've been texting those closest to me, and mom just texted me back "well, there was a book called I remember mama.  arent I interesting enough?" ... I LOL'd, but it did it ... I started thinking ...  If I were to look back at what shaped me, who would I write about?

Children's Day at the Coast

Episcopal Diocese of Oregon

Children's Day at the Coast

St. Luke's by-the-Sea

Photography by:

Doug Young, Christina Young, and Rev. Susan Church

(clicky for bigger version)

          
         aka: goofdad

The Pursuit

I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there?
             -- Christopher Gardner, The Pursuit of Happyness

It's interesting how, when you're given a topic, the fates conspire to send you messages based on that topic.  One of those messages arrived from a fellow scout leader last night...

Johne

So, what do you do when you get a call from your boys’ friend:

“Hey, Doug, this is Ethan and Topher’s friend Johne.  I’ve known Topher for years, and have really seen the change in him since he’s moved in with you.  I’ve really got to get out of my house.  Would you be willing to take in another foster son?”

UMM … UMM … Wow!

Snuggling with your kids …

This started out as a response to Emily’s recent post on Mothers of Brothers: Age Old Questions.  The problem is that I’m one of those people who can’t not re-read my emails and posts (only time I don’t is text messages … they’re too quick and pervasive to edit).  With this response, though, every time I edited it got longer instead of shorter and more concise.  After a couple of attempts, I gave up and decided to turn it into a blog post of it’s own.

So … here goes:

Welcome to the family!

Topher's sister had her baby this morning.  Somewhere around 6:00.  The baby weighed in between 5 and 6 pounds.  Mother and baby are doing fine!

Bees!

Where do you find a bee at the end of March in Oregon?  Apparently at my kids' school!  And who would find it?  Kaleigh, of course!  And ... who is allergic?  Until this weekend, we didn't know it, but: Kaleigh, of course!  It all started when Rick called me Friday Morning.  You see, he and Kiwi decided Thursday night to come up and visit for a couple days (Sat night through Tues morning).

Chaos Unleashed

subtitled: What happens when Christina is sick.
or: Yes, Emily, I lose it more often than I care to admit.

Today’s post was inspired by Emily at Mothers of Brothers, who left the following comment on my Friday blog entry:

I honestly don't know how you handle everything that comes your way. Do you lose it evey now and then? Do you bury our head in a pillow and scream? DO you have a mantra to repeat? I am humbled by your sensibility and generosity and ENERGY to come out the other side. I get overwhelmed with one kid who doesnt have any of these issues. I'm just so fascinated and wondering if you were born cool, calm and collected or it was something that you acquired over time? And can I get some?

and by Julian, who read the above and commented:

Dude:  Cool, calm, and collected !?!?  You’re a loud, arrogant, annoying a**hole!  What are you blogging?  Fiction ?!?!

Yeah … thanks for the support, kiddo.  So, read on to hear about my weekend:

Watching through the windows

So ... my deadbeat friend Mark called last night.  He wanted to offer curse words support over my post yesterday.  He’s going through something very similar, and is not having nearly as easy a time (if you can call it that) as I’m having with Topher.  He called while I was helping go over what’s left in my shop, trying to get the last of it cleaned out and ready to turn back to the landlord.  I left the building, not wanting to discuss this in front of the kids.  Standing out there, in the cold, on the phone, I got a different view of everything going on.

Brothers are forever ...

Sadly, this is not Topher's first time around the block when it comes to being fostered.  He's told me several times about his former foster family, where he lived for a year about 8 years ago.  He tells stories about his foster-parents and their kids often.  It worries me sometimes that his favorite memories are about his foster family.  I've never heard a cute story or a fun story about living with his mom.  So, with nothing but a picture of his foster-brother, a misspelled name, and a phone number, I set out to find these people who had made such a difference in my son's life.

Good Customer Service

This is really going to surprise you ... we have a lot of cell phones at our house.  As my son would say, we have "an official crapton" ... My wife and I both have Droids (woot!), and the four older boys all have cells.  We use Verizon's Family Share plan, but that only covers 5 lines (2+4 = 6), so Ethan's phone was on my parent's Family Share plan.  In case you missed it, though, we added a foster kid last week.  And, we're paying more for our landline now than we are per cell phone.  That makes two more lines we needed to add. 

End of an era

So ... about 18 months ago I borrowed $30,000 from my family and opened an internet LAN gaming center.  I found a partner, invested tons of time, and in a month we were open.  We have 10 high end decent gaming computers (they were high end when we put them together), two XBOX 360's, one Wii, a Pool Table, and a tabletop RPG Table.

About 6 months into the experience, things were getting difficult.  The shop wasn't making a profit.  Since the primary reason I opened it was to help my kids with their resume's, and they couldn't work for free because it wasn't family owned, this was a BIG problem for me.  There were other issues with the partnership, but the whys are largely irrelavant.  I made a buyout offer, and my partner freaked.  He cleared out everything he brought into the shop, from the freezer to the microwave to the TV stands.  Then, when things got worse, he came in and literally tore the wires from the backs of the machines (doing upwards of $1000 worth of damage), pushed over a customer, and more.  We were ousted by the police, and were locked out for 6 weeks while we settled this.  He finally settled with me (for less than my offer, in the end, so ... I was confused), and we re-opened last March.

I love my wife

So, this morning my wife and I fought. No, I don't mean some lame, tame argument over who's turn it was to do the dishes or take out the trash kind of fight. Those are easy. I know better. I'm wrong. No, this was hard. This was an all out, sit in the car in the office garage alternately yelling, crying, screaming, and whispering into the phone for an hour kind of fight. It's not about our shop, which we are pretty sure we're closing, but it is. It's not about money, but it is. It's not about Topher, but it is. It's not about the fact that I'm an incurable slob who has a desk stacked with soda cans from the last week which will probably stack there until I can’t see over them and into the mirror, at which point I’ll throw a fit and throw them all out, but it is. It's one of those fights that only two individuals who love each other so much that they can't imagine life without each other can have, because if you didn't love someone that much you would brush it all off and not care.

Let's just say, it's not been a good day. But the key to my survival lies in that last sentence. “Two people who love each other so much that they can’t imagine life without each other”. So, I thought I’d try today to talk about why it is that I love my wife so much. Not a snarky cute list, but something with a little bit of actual meat behind it. I hope it helps.

Why did it have to be "Pops"?

This whole thing with Topher started to get serious a couple weeks back.  I had been the kinda-sorta father figure in his life for some time, but it was starting to look like it was going to turn into more than that.  I explained to him that we had a name problem.

Topher is actually Donald Christopher.  Up until recently, he has always gone by Chris.  He hates the name Donald, as kids have teased him about being Ronald Mc- ever since he was little.  But, as I explained to him, "Chris" around my house was taken.  By my wife.  About the only person more important to me than my kids.  End.  Of.  Story.

Family

I feel we've lost something with our modern, nuclear families.  Maybe it's my old world heritage.  Maybe it's the fact that my older kids are my stepsons, so the idea of "blood relation" never even occurs to me.  Maybe it's the fact that I have first hand knowledege about what it's like to not have the extended support system, and never want to be without it again.  Maybe I was dropped on my head too many times as a baby.  Who knows?

In any case, I can't limit my family just to those people that are related to me by blood, or by marriage.  The closest I can come will be to list the people that get invited to Thanksgiving Dinner, Epiphany, and/or Birthday Parties.  Because those of you reading this may get lost in the myriad of names, here is a guidebook ... a who's who ... so you can follow along and be a little less confised.  Beware ... this is a very long post!

Each of the people below has stories for me to tell, and when I run out of things to say, you'll probably hear them.  Not all of the stories are happy, or end well ... or even end at all.  Some I'll have to get permission for before telling them online, as they aren't 100% my stories to tell.  In any case I hope you stick with me and enjoy ...